


It Was Never a Choice

by Ccristata



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Worry, jim kirk is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:07:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ccristata/pseuds/Ccristata
Summary: “You asked me why I would choose you.” She was standing in the doorway. In a sweater and loose pants, her hair pulled into loose braids and face clear. It was the most casual she had looked in over a year.“I am choosing you because I chose you three days after I met you.” The corner of her mouth twitched up with the end of her statement. It didn’t touch the seriousness in her eyes.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	It Was Never a Choice

“You asked me why."

He turned at the sound of her voice.

“You asked me why I would choose you.” She was standing in the doorway. In a sweater and loose pants, her hair pulled into loose braids and face clear. It was the most casual she had looked in over a year.

“I am choosing you because I chose you three days after I met you.” The corner of her mouth twitched up with the end of her statement. It didn’t touch the seriousness in her eyes.

“I chose you three days after I met you when you first laughed at one of my jokes. I chose you that night as I got ready for bed and joked to myself about the idea of dating you. Two weeks later, I chose you when I flipped you for the second time in five minutes and you made the  _ stupidest _ innuendo. I chose you as I almost burst out laughing at it.”

He smiled sadly at the memory.

“I chose you a month later when I had an asthma attack and you dragged me to the Medbay. Leo said he needed to do a blood draw and I was in so much pain and just. didn’t  _ want _ to. You hopped up on the biobed next to me and wrapped your arm around me and it wasn’t relief but it was something. I chose you an hour later when I laid in my bed, chest still aching, wrapped around a pillow and imagined it was you.”

“The next week, you quoted Shakespere to me while sitting on the edge of a cliff. I always thought it would be a sin to put you in any lighting that didn’t hit your eyes the way the bridge does but then you were sitting in the sun, reciting profound truths wrapped in quick wit, and all I could think about was the sun shining through your hair and how much I usually hate to be wrong.”

“I chose you the first time I made a suggestive joke in a staff meeting and you gave me a warning look when you clearly didn’t want to. I chose you ten minutes later when you burst out laughing when I made the same joke to Leo as we walked to get coffee. I nearly blurted out that I loved you right then and there because you had insinuations and innuendos falling off the lips that had recited classic literature so smoothly that I would have believed you if you told me that your mom had swaddled you with a Midsummers heat and woven your lullabies in Iambic Pentameter.”

“I chose you on that shore leave when you sat in a corner booth and told me about Menorahs and latkes and psalms and watching candles burn down as I got drunker and drunker. I chose you the next morning when you came to my room to make sure that I took the pain-killers and drank the water you had left the night before. It was the first time I had ever seen you wear your glasses and I think my brain stopped. You sat on the edge of my bed with the sleeves of your sweater pulled over your hands as they cupped your coffee and I  _ swear _ I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life.”

She caught a breath in a rush, smiling genuinely for the first time since she had come in. Her shoulders dropped a little as she continued.

“I chose you that night. It was the first time I told my best friend about you. I laughed it off as a crush but I was petrified because it felt like something I might not survive.”

“I chose you every morning that you greeted me and your smile was a little more relaxed than before I walked in. I chose you the first time I sat in your chair and you made me give the orders but smiled and gave advice every. single. time. I turned around to ask.”

“I chose you the night I first kissed you. And I chose you when I thought I was having a panic attack because you pulled away.”

She trailed off at the look of utter guilt on his face.

“I chose you the next morning.” She continued softly. “And the next. And the one after that. Because it was never really a choice. I’m not choosing you for politics, or a rank, or for whatever other bull people will call this. I am choosing you for your dirty wit and how you clean it up for official business. I am choosing you for how you complain about politics and for how naturally you slide into the role of diplomat. I am choosing you for your eyes, and your mouth, and your hair, and for how they combine into the most aesthetically pleasing image I could imagine. But I’m really choosing you for your heart, your soul. The trust you have given me, the credit you give the rest of the world. I am choosing you because you whisper French poetry to me when it gets dark. I am choosing you because it doesn’t matter how much I hate waking up in the morning, I’m always excited to wake up to you. It doesn't matter how bad of a day I’ve had, I see you and remember that there is beauty in the world. It doesn’t matter how terrible I have had to be that day, you’ll find a way to offer redemption,” her voice remained steady as a tear trailed down her face, “Like you always do. For anyone and everyone.” She took a breath.

“I am choosing you because I can be me without my title and I can be a professional without being myself. But I have proven time and time again,” Her voice finally cracked, “That I cannot do anything without loving you.”

Jim’s face crumpled and he ducked his head. 

Crissa let her speech hang in the air.

“I’m not going to force you to ask me,” she started again quietly. “But if you ask me right now, or in two hours, or two weeks, or in seventy years, or on my deathbed, I will say yes.”

Jim looked back up with wet eyes.

“I will say yes because I know you will be by my side until that moment. Ring or no ring. Because that is who you are. And that’s who we are. You asked me why I would choose you and it broke my heart because it seemed so abundantly clear that I was not the one with a choice here.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhh, Please be nice, this is my first time posting! I have a couple other drafts I'd think about posting if people are interested...
> 
> Feel free to leave feedback, I'd love to know what you think!


End file.
